We are delighted to have met with the incomparable best selling author, and all-around fabulous, fierce female, Shasta Townsend. Her message, encouragement and passion is a gift to any body positive enthusiast and anyone who wants to explore a deeper, more meaningful sexual self. Below is an expert from her best-selling book "Happy, Sexy, Shameless"
What did your mom teach you about sex? Anything?
Did you learn about the power of sexuality, or was it something to be guarded and feared?
Did she teach you how to give yourself an orgasm, or was sex full of shame?
Do you know what I got?
“You are a smart girl. You will figure it out.”
This was the only teaching about sex my mother gave me that I remember. Really.
I am a pretty smart girl, but it took me almost twenty-five years to figure it out, and at age forty, I am still figuring it out. Maybe you are too.
With all the lack of information, wrong information, and just bad information, many women have had a tough time with sex. This, combined with judgment, abuse, fear, and lots of self-loathing, make sexuality a field loaded with landmines.
I am not sure if any other aspect of life is so fraught with shame, frustration, confusion, and, paradoxically, curiosity, comedy, and joy.
Sexuality presents a sort of “final frontier” for not only women but also human consciousness as a whole.
It seems to me that we have excavated much of our inner child, examined anger management, grief, and loss; attempted to reconnect with our soul self and life purpose but have we had an opportunity to truly claim our sexual self?
Have we examined what that even feels like?
What are the models for a happy, sexy, shameless woman (or man) that is not steeped in limited gender expectation or outdated paradigms?
Where is the conversation about the power of sex?
Have we learned to create a relationship with our own desire, our own body, and our lovers that is based in goodness, celebration, and even daring?
Men and women are crying out for this – for a sexual relationship with ourselves and with each other that is based in something wondrous, beautiful, wild and truly satisfying.
We can welcome our sexual self as something natural and thus step into a happier, freer, and more shameless life.
We can embrace our bodies, our wildness, our desire and our sexuality as delicious gifts rather than things to be controlled, closeted, or feared. We can drop limitation, judgment, and self-loathing and become truly whole.
We are ready for some serious healing and some serious re-thinking that includes serious fun, play, and connection.
There will always be those who push back or push down, but if we wish our sons and daughters to inherit a sense of power, happiness and freedom then we need to start figuring this out for ourselves so they not only have a model to work from, but a legacy to enrich, enjoy and flourish within as they build their own.
Though the conversation around sexuality, sexual identity, and even sexual practices have expanded in schools, most of the sexual education available today is still based in fear and shame, with a focus on pure anatomy and preventing pregnancy.
We keep telling young people that sex is wrong, their bodies are dirty, and that desire is dangerous. We tell young women to dress appropriately so they are not victims of rape but have little discussion with young men on their sexual behavior.
There are certainly programs and movements to educate men and change what was once accepted as “boys will be boys” behavior, but the pervasive message is still that women need to hold back their sexuality, hide their bodies, and consider men as sexual predators, uncontrolled demons of lust, and just plain out assholes.
This, combined with the even narrower gender representation of men and women in the world of gaming, Social Media and regurgitated Hollywood stereotypes, means we need to step up and speak up to this generation so we help create loving, supportive, empowered men and women – even if our parents did not do it for us.
There is also little discussion anywhere about the power of sexuality. Few of us consider sexuality as a life affirming experience – that is a means to know our own innate beauty, joy, and aliveness. Imagine growing up and learning that sex was not only a normal, wonderful human experience but also a way to feel happy and full.
We’ve also inherited many of the outdated gender projections about sex like men only want sex and women only want security (so offer up sex to get it.) It is time to also heal this and other outdated stories.
We can create a powerful intimacy based on respect, celebration, and true connection where both men and women are free to express desire for pleasure and desire for love, or any combination in between; where both sexes can at least feel free to figure it out for themselves rather than just mirroring the old limiting stories.
For women, embracing sexuality on our terms also offers a great way to step into power and freedom.
Few of us were taught how to feel good in our own skin, never mind feeling good sexually. We may have fumbled our way to ecstasy, but there is still a covert code that controls sexual behavior and dictates acceptable good girl behavior. We limit ourselves and judge each other based on these codes, yet we long for something more authentic, more fulfilling, and more sensual.
We long to know our- selves as a whole being – that is one who has passion, desire, beauty and even wildness at the same time we want to feel safe, loved, appreciated and powerful.
Read more and get your copy of the best-selling Happy, Sexy, Shameless – What Our Mother’s Didn’t Know About the Birds and the Bees at Amazon and other retailers.
This best-selling book from Intimacy Expert, Tantric Teacher, and Indigenous author, Shasta Townsend is unlike any self-help book or sex book you have read before!
It remedies the shame, conditioning, trauma and just plain confusion with an open, meaningful and at times raw discussion of sexuality. Through personal stories, interviews with real women, and academic research that’s presented in an accessible way, this how-to guide to embracing sexuality as a gift takes an entirely new approach to female sexuality, and even makes it fun!
If you are tired of letting shame, conditioning, trauma, and just plain confusion around sexuality prevent you from having the great sex you desire, this book is exactly what you are seeking.