Flirting During COVID – Are we doomed to confusion?  A Male and Female Perspective to Getting This Right

Flirting During COVID – Are we doomed to confusion? A Male and Female Perspective to Getting This Right

 Flirting has always been a bit ambiguous, and now with face masks, physical distancing and an unconscious fear of other humans, it may be even more challenging to interpret the signs, or is it?

 Married, Sex and Relationship Experts Shasta Townsend and Ian Lavalley share the female and male perspective on flirting and what you need to know now.

Flirting allows you to signal interest in another human being.

It’s actually deeply rooted in our human nature and patterns of communication. It is an incremental way of showing sexual interest and also determining if that human is also interested in you.

Humans are not the only species that flirt to demonstrate availability and interest, but we may be the most confused about flirting, especially now.

 The great news is that even in a world of physical distancing and new social protocols, you can become a flirting genius if you understand the three aspects to flirting.

Flirting includes body language – licking the lips, a come-hither smile or sultry eyes, but also it also requires empathy and the ability to read “energy’ – both of which are innate in humans, unless you’re a socio-path.

 “Flirting does include a lot of body language signals,” says relationship expert Ian Lavalley.

 “With physical distancing and face masks, this has become harder to read in some ways. Sometimes as men we are not that good at picking up subtle signals, so we need to get better at it right now. We need to pay more attention.”

 “You can’t see if somone is flirting by their smile – because you can’t see their lips if they’re wearing a facemask -  but you can see their eyes.

 So, you have to notice these less subtle signals like the look in her/his eyes or their body language – is their body in a more open stance or is are they “defended” – turned away or arms crossed? Are they leaning towards you, even with physical distancing in place?  Or are they leaning toward the screen if you are meeting virtually? Or are they leaning back and looking away? These are signs.”

 Lavalley’s wife, Shasta Townsend, says humans are wired to read these signs innately and have not lost empathy or the ability to feel into energy – the other two aspects of flirting.

“Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We have not lost this ability because of COVID. If anything, it may have increased because we have to actually pay more attention now, and we also feel the innate desire we have for connection and understanding.

Dating sites and matchmaking services are going through the roof right now, because we are wired to connect with another human.  We need to trust that. We need to trust that we have an innate inner knowing that comes from thousands of years of physical and sexual interaction as a species. Seven months of COVID is not going to destroy that,” said Townsend.

 Man or woman, you have the ability to feel if someone is sending you “the vibe” – whether you can see their lips or not.

Flirting is truly about sending out these energetic and emotional signals to another human being, and picking them up yourself.  You are wired to do so.

So, chances are if that you’re feeling like that hot A/C repair man is putting it out there, he probably is – trust your own ability to “read energy” and interpret another’s emotions.

You might just need to make it super obvious to him!”


Shasta Townsend and Ian Lavalley are best-selling authors, married, BIPOC sex and relationship experts and are leading a global love movement based in ancient eastern thought, Indigenous wisdom and cutting edge science. Learn more at






Back to blog

Leave a comment